Moved.

E's Monologue

Deep calls unto deep.

"Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls; All Your waves and billows have gone over me." — Psalm 42:7

Sometimes when I look into the deep blue skies in the valley of the stars, I will be overwhelmed and I'll just stand in awe. I do think of deeper meanings in life, if there is a profound purpose and meaning. That's when I can feel as if the whole universe is talking, but silent and still.

I am nothing but a speck of dust compared to the whole solar system, milky way, galaxy, universe. But, I do believe that there is something greater — a purpose, a deep profound meaning and future. There are many things that I want to do and I believe that somehow the universe is calling the deep in me. It's as if God is asking if I am willing to trust him and have good faith — that He'll bring out the deepest desires within and fulfill my purpose.

But for now..all I can do is just wait for the moment.

Connecting the dots.

"You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something — your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever."
— Steve Jobs 

Again and again, reality and my dreams kept coming back; flashing through my mind. I have a dream. I want to keep running towards it. I want to do what I love to do. I want to design, create, innovate and imagine.

Looking back, I am glad and thankful for everything that has happened to me. It has moulded to who I am today and it will be part of me in the future. Uncertainty might put fear in my heart but I hope I have  courage and keep moving forward.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

— Jeremiah 29:11

Everything will be alright.

There's a chinese proverb saying,船到桥头自然直 (When the boat gets to the pier-head, it will go straight with the current; Everything will be alright.) I hope that everything is indeed going to turn out alright. After today's cell group meeting, Jared really made me think back about how I got to where I am today. I guess I was too distracted with all the mindless worries. So I've actually applied for Glasgow school of Arts(GSA) under Singapore Institute of Technology in the month of February. And..the thing is I was accepted and offered a place in GSA.

Although my request for deferring the degree program was rejected (insert sad face here), I'm still glad that I got in!

———

I've never ever thought that I would be accepted into a government university. Where I am today is more than a miracle. Six years ago, my sec 5 life never looked so bleak and uncertain (it's still quite uncertain now but better!). My O Levels scored at 28pts L1R4 and terrible is not even the correct adjective to describe it. Hence, I got into Nanyang Academy of Fine Arts; a private arts institution that is willing to take in people that aren't very good at maths (me lah). I'm not saying that NAFA is bad, but the school was the stepping stone to where I am. And the result of this 3 years of my life, I have finally found what I want to do.

The funny thing is that I graduated with a GPA average score of 2.68 which was considered pretty bad according to polytechnic's standard. But, I got in — I got into a government university that offers design programs!

If I were to see this from another perspective, it's mind boggling. God is indeed good all the time! Though I cannot see His hand move but I know that He has been working on all the nitty gritty details in my life all along. This year would be my turning point and I won't say that I have reached the top yet, but I'll do my best and leave the rest to God. The biggest challenge right now is up ahead and I do hope I am ready for it.

Our lives are streams flowing into the same river towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls. Find the joy in your life.

 Just watched this movie and it's really touching. Man, I guess I would also do the same. I'll write a bucket list before I kick the bucket! But, it ain't that all great to hear the amount of time you have left, right?

Have you found joy in your life? Has your life brought joy to others?

Psalm 69:13-15 NIV

But I pray to you, Lord , in the time of your favor; in your great love, O God, answer me with your sure salvation.  Rescue me from the mire, do not let me sink; deliver me from those who hate me, from the deep waters.  Do not let the floodwaters engulf me or the depths swallow me up or the pit close its mouth over me.

Many things about tomorrow.

I don't know about tomorrow;I just live from day to day.I don't borrow from its sunshineFor its skies may turn to grey.I don't worry o'er the future,For I know what Jesus said.And today I'll walk beside Him,For He knows what lies ahead. 

Many things about tomorrowI don't seem to understandBut I know who holds tomorrowAnd I know who holds my hand. 

Every step is getting brighterAs the golden stairs I climb;Every burden's getting lighter,Every cloud is silver-lined.There the sun is always shining,There no tear will dim the eye;At the ending of the rainbowWhere the mountains touch the sky.

Do not be anxious for the future.

 "Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"

Be not anxious for the future, how you shall live next year, or when you are old, or what you shall leave behind you. As we must not boast of tomorrow, so we must not care for to-morrow, or the events of it. God has given us life, and has given us the body. And what can he not do for us, who did that? If we take care about our souls and for eternity, which are more than the body and its life, we may leave it to God to provide for us food and raiment, which are less. Improve this as an encouragement to trust in God.

(source)

Nexus 4

So! Google has a new Nexus phone in their device family! The Nexus 4!

After going through so many video reviews and Engadget reviews, I've finally made an order on the 13th of Dec! (I'm selling off my new Galaxy S3 from the Telco to buy Nexus 4, so I won't be spending a single cent.)

Even when I thought that I'll never get my Nexus 4 anytime soon (no idea why they kept getting sold out), I was about to buy it off from eBay. To my surprise, when I tried to cancel my order, a member from the Google Play team e-mailed me about a bug that was going on and he/she (I don't know) solved it within a few hours after my first e-mail to them! I was extremely thrilled to see the confirmation e-mail right after his/her reply!

And viola, it's here. I am extremely happy now (eveniftheworld'sgonnaend).

\o\  /o/  \o/  \o\  /o/  \o/  \o\  /o/  \o/  \o\  /o/  \o/  \o\  /o/  \o/  \o\  /o/ 

FINALLY

After so long, I am officially promoted to 3SG!

There are four things which are little on the earth, But they are exceedingly wise:
The ants are a people not strong, Yet they prepare their food in the summer.
The rock badgers are a feeble folk, Yet they make their homes in the crags.
The locusts have no king, Yet they all advance in ranks.
The spider skillfully grasps with its hands, And it is in kings’ palaces.

7 months since enlistment.

From Botak Recruit Edwin to Private Edwin, Ammo Tech! It feels so good to see progress (especially my hair)!

Vision Weekend.

Today was 'Vision Weekend' in church. Once again, I am so glad to be a part of this spiritual family. The lives of our church pastors, especially Pastor Kong and Sun are always so inspiring. But, being inspired is always not enough. I want to do something.

Throughout the whole service, I was so amazed by how Pastor Kong was still fervent for the lord after all these years! And even after so many crisis that attacked him personally.

I was reminded of the times when I felt a nudge in my heart wanting to do humanitarian work. I would be so moved whenever I saw videos of people from CHC going all out to help the less fortunate in countries that encountered natural disasters.

After reading through those letters from "The Box", I am really touched by how heartfelt those letters were (especially Billy Graham's!).

Well, so much for having visions and goals but without actions, nothing will happen. So first, I should start by following the church's vision for this year (or maybe all these while), building strong relationships — be it with God or with friends and family and being discipled and holding onto the vision!

Breathe.

"For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

Sometimes we are too busy with being busy and forgot to just breathe with God. Even during quiet time in prayer, I tend to rush through prayers, quickly ticking through my check list. This whole week I really understand what does it mean to just breathe — with God.

Time to start breathing and cherish silent moments.

"I will break these chains that bind me, happiness will find me
leave the past behind me, today my life begins
A whole new world is waiting, it's mine for the taking
I know I can make it, today my life begins"

POP. So, now what?

Yes, I have officially graduated from Basic Military Training (BMT)! After 4 months (2 months of 'Physical Training Phase' - PTP and 2 months of BMT) where am I posted to?

AMMO TECH

Yes. My vocation is to become a Ammunition Technician. In short, I study everything and anything about ammunitions. And it's gonna be like this for the rest of my NS life. Honestly, I don't really feel happy about it neither am I hating it. I do miss the times when I do all the crazy activities with my BMT buddies. It's the quality time we spend together that has moulded all of us together. I would say, if I was being posted to a combat vocation with them, I might be happier than what I am doing now.

This vocation is a 8 to 5 job. I go to school of ammo for 3 months, 6 months attached to other depots, 2 weeks back to get my 3SG rank. And again, yes.. it's VERY different from many other vocation (especially combat ones).

PTP and BMT has really left me a deep memory that I'll never forget, especially those crazy guys!

Still, I thank God for this vocation. With a little more time outside, I could get back on my feet and start doing something else other than army related stuff (like..Skyrim!). And it's time for me to start praying and fasting like before!

For the year 2012, I hope I will improve myself in every possible way. Get closer to God, helping to improve my family's unity, more committed to church, read more, run more, exercise more and lastly, enjoy more.

ps: oh yeah, I passed my IPPT!

Psalm 103

Praise the LORD, my soul;
all my inmost being, praise his holy name.
Praise the LORD, my soul,
and forget not all his benefits—
who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases,
who redeems your life from the pit
and crowns you with love and compassion,
who satisfies your desires with good things
so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s.

The LORD works righteousness
and justice for all the oppressed.

I was asked to do some reflection writing for my officer about our views of the army life so far and here's what I wrote:


I shall first start with being thankful before going into some of the other details.

I am thankful that I have a great set of commanders taking my platoon. Thankful not only that they are more compassionate and gracious, but they love to teach and amend our mistakes. Thankful that we have officers that are willing to share their stories and some helpful tips more than any other officers. Thankful that we have sergeants that encourages us to press on and sharing part of their life stories too. These are the people that are not forced to do what they do, but because of their heart for the recruits and their mind for our welfare. I am truly thankful to have this set of commanders leading platoon 3.

It has been more than 6 weeks as a recruit, as a soldier. Looking back, I do miss my freedom, my laptop, my school, my friends and family. And I kinda miss working as a graphic designer too, I miss brainstorming, sketching, discussing and designing.

So what have I learned so far? I've learned more about myself. I've learned that I could actually do more than what I expect of myself. I've also learned that I need to have more patience, faith, hope and love for my platoon. I think it's inevitable to not argue with one another sometimes but, "a house divided against itself will not stand". Platoon 3 have to work harder not only on ourselves but as a team.

BMT phase is nearing and there's a saying that goes, "when the going gets tough, the tough gets going". I do hope that I will be able to achieve beyond what I think or imagine. I hope that platoon 3 will work harder as a platoon and becoming a more encouraging team that pushes one another to strive harder. Looking forward to the day I thank my officers and sergeants during my POP, I don't think I'll ever forget my life as a chao recruit.

I guess..that should be all. Thanks for reading!

New chapter.

I am a soldier for 5 weeks already. Is it tough? It's pretty tough for someone like me that has not been exercising but still, I am thankful to God for this experience. I am in School 4, 3rd Company aka Samurai! Sounds nice isn't it!

Thankful that my commanders are all compassionate and understanding. And my Platoon Sergeant even encourage us to cut down on using vulgarities! Where on earth do you find a Sergeant that does not use vulgarities?!

Bunk mates? Well..so far, so good I guess? Disagreements are inevitable sometimes. How's the food in Tekong? LOUSY. (I am totally sick of Tekong food except those in the canteen.)

I'm slowly getting used to the life as a recruit already. Botak somehow feels so shiok. Wearing short pants feels so comfy. Exercising makes me feel healthier. And, being 5 minutes early for every single thing. Crazy huh?

The weirdest thing as a soldier is that, somehow you can never avoid the topic on Army when you see your friends. Not that your friends keeps asking you about it, but it is you that can't stop talking about it. I guess I'm slowly getting disconnected from reality and slowly moulding into this regimental lifestyle.

Small little breaks in between exercises became so precious even if it's only 3 minutes — every second counts. Night time became so precious, you don't really want to go for another round of exercise but having some solitary time for yourself. God seem so far away as you feel stuck in this military life. But still, God is good. I guess this is when you can slowly see time breaking down into parts and truly seeing God moving in your life.

Well, I'm botak and wears a geeky black framed spectacles. No where near being fashionable neither do I look as fierce as Sylvester Stallone in uniform. 5 weeks down, 12 weeks to POP!

side note:

My IPPT still fail lah. Chin-ups and 2.4 km run is soooo challenging!