Stuck

I feel stuck.

On one hand, I have studies to cope. Which is so time consuming.

On the other hand, I want to rise up. I want to do more for God. I want to get to point that I can get my friends and families saved.

Always, I would do my best. I pray. I fast. I tithe. I would do all my best to stay righteous and blameless. But am I righteous and blameless? Many would say yes and I do believe that.

If I am not, tell me, where are the things I should change.

Recently, Pastor had been sharing about Job. I would compare myself with him although I do not own the riches and royalties neither do I have sons and daughters and even married. But I do compare myself with his righteousness and doing his best and loving God wholeheartedly at the same time.

But in his next phase of that comes the trails and tribulations.

This is the thing that has not come to me yet. I believe it will come at some point of time. Like Job, after going through all the crap he turned out to become a better person, someone that can daringly say that he loves God wholeheartedly even without everything and with all kinds of sicknesses.

When will this phase come to me? Or will it not come?

Will it only come when I tell my Mum that I want to be baptized and I want to stay rooted in the Church?

I feel stuck, I don't feel that I am growing anymore. I've been doing my best. But maybe I can still stretch further. Squeezing bible reading and longer quiet time everyday into my schedule. How I wish I can easily balance out everything.

I want to move on, move further, get into the next phase, to progress, to rise up. But I do not know what else I can do.

Gah, this is just some dilemma thingy that I'm experiencing.